By Jon Rappoport
"Insanity---to have to construct a picture of one's life, by making inquiries of others." -- Philip K Dick
"The dominant technologies of one age become the games and pastimes of a later age." -- Marshall McLuhan
"It is sometimes possible to change the attitudes of millions but impossible to change the attitude of one man." -- Edward Bernays
It was obvious that buying a universe wasn't going to be a walk in the park. The real estate agents in town were giving me a hard time. They were talking about inflation, but I suspected something else was going on.
Anyway, I had my eye on a place that was layered with so many cover stories, the saps who bought vacation tickets would never be able to get out. For example, a whole energy-conservation gimmick. A law, they called it. The most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of: energy can't be gained or lost. And then something called organized religion. It took me awhile to figure it out. Apparently, they have gods or a God, a chief honcho who makes up rules as he goes along.
Anyway, then I came across a different kind of deal. Instead of buying, I could move into a ready-made universe as a tenant. The offer went this way:
We'll shave down your perceptual field so you can fit in with eight trillion-trillion semi-androids.
You'll never miss what you can't see.
Hi, I'm Tom Smith. I've lived here myself for many incarnations, and I want to tell you it's the most fun place you can imagine---especially when you can't imagine any other universe!
Know what I mean?
On a scale from 1 to 10, your creative impulse will be coming in at about a 2. That'll cement you right into the limited spectrum, where all the action is.
Now I know you've tried other universes, but this one has unique advantages. First of all, you're a shareholder! That's right! You'll own .00000000000000000000009 of a point in the whole set up.
So you'll feel the satisfaction of a genuine commitment.
Next, you'll actually get down on your knees and pray to this universe. I know, it sounds odd, but don't knock it until you've tried it. There's a special hum you sense when you're subjugating yourself to a "higher essence."
Jack Boardhead of Alpha Centuri writes in and says: "I never knew how great being a complete *&6$)* could feel. It's a jolt unlike any other I've ever experienced."
Thanks, Jack. My regards to the wife and kids. I understand Cindi starts college in the fall. Kudos!
Yes, folks, there really is a sense of family in this universe. People liking people. We're all in this together. Since you're a stakeholder, you'll be in touch with us at the home office, and we'll be using your testimonials to sign up new residents. There's room for everybody! If there's one thing we've got, it's space!
So act now and take advantage of our limited-time offer. Your ticket plus one. Buy one, get one free. Plus the blender, the set of cups and saucers, the booster narcosis vaccines, and the infinity pool. And since this is Tuesday, we have a special! Cemetery plots for the whole family, and storm windows! For the first five hundred callers, a special bonus. Automatic pre-diagnosis of Bipolar and free drugs for the first year!
How's that for share and care?
Operators are standing by, so call now. If your last name begins with S, free tickets to Sea World!
We have a Secret Special: Instant God status replete with heavenly hosts, lost-prophet-returns scenario (legend based on engraved stone cave tablets)---or you can operate as a straight absentee landlord and receive annual status reports in your villa by the sea...
Actually, folks, we have a whole catalog of ready-mades. Read on---
A UNIVERSE FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! Do you want to pass on your genes to millions of future generations? Of course you do! Why else would you be alive? In our universe, we supply a government that forbids gene waste and enforces endless generational procreation. Square dancing, ping-pong tournaments, celebrity-look-alike performers on weekends.
COLLECTIVE GOO UNIVERSE FOR ADDLED MINDS! Be part of the Great Doofus! Delete thinking! Experience the thrill of melting down in 24/7 love with the All One Thingo! At first you'll feel icy winds whipping through your separated soul on the plains of cruel choice. But then, at the last moment, in the deepest well of desperation, a radiant Whatever will clutch your sacred yearning and shoot you up on to on a cloud of honey, and transport you to a fortress where our patented pink ooze floods your being and you realize this is your home forever! Soft rock piped in, lake of marshmallows, electro-massage units. One and two bedroom apts.
NATURE IS NATURE UNIVERSE! Hunt for 60,000 years, merge with the environment, hear the roots grow; climb trees, bathe in snow, chant in monotone, blow up evil machines in distant cities. Become utterly convinced there is nothing else! Raise children as primates!
KING OF THE HILL UNIVERSE. You can be in charge. You can be the boss of bosses. Commit untold numbers of acts that would be considered capital crimes with special circumstances in other universes. Live in a Palace all others are denied. They'll worship you from afar, night and day. But your identity will remain a mystery. Henchmen will oversee the building of great cathedrals in your (generic) name. It's a kick!
VICTIMS PLUS! Have you been inventing a story of oppression that's somehow never been accorded its proper due? Well, in our universe, we bring in the sheep and put bows on their necks! This your place! All the tables are turned. For once (and forever), you get what you deserve! Lavish benefits! Learn the necromancy of bureaucratic interactions. Work the system as it's never been worked before! Choose from a catalog of disorders. Full insurance coverage extended to family members.
THE END OF IMAGINATION UNIVERSE! Have you finally reached the end of your tether? We have attractive life paths for trillions of serial incarnations. You'll go with science, you'll go with money, you'll go with pills. We have it all. Our calibrated partial-amnesia treatments will saddle you with just enough doubt to make you wonder whether you're doing the right thing...and yet, in the end, you'll submit to a mysterious Greater Pattern. Geometric homilies, frog boiled slowly; we'll keep you hopping! Try our new on-and-off paranoia option. Inquire about liability. Ask yourself if the End of Imagination Universe is right for you.
---And a small classified ad: "Universe invention=You. For details, send $16.95 and self-addressed stamped envelope to PO Box 43920518-A, Altoona, Pennsylvania.
The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world.
Did you like this article?
Thank you for your vote!
From our advertisers
From our advertisers