‘Theresa May has oddly declined to comment on the reported arrest of the mini-skirted lass who was videotaped cavorting through an ancient Najd village this week, provoking unexpected roars of animalistic male fury in a kingdom known for its judicial leniency, political moderation, gender equality and fraternal love for its Muslim neighbours.

May should, surely, have drawn the attention of the rulers of this normally magnanimous state to the extraordinarily uncharacteristic behaviour of the so-called religious police – hitherto regarded as extras in the very same kingdom’s growing tourism industry which is supported by its newly appointed peace-loving and forward-thinking young Crown Prince.

But of course, since May cannot possibly believe that a single person in this particular national entity would give even a riyal or a halfpenny to “terrorists” – of the kind who have been tearing young British lives apart in Manchester and London – she’s hardly likely to endanger the “national security” of said state by condemning the arrest of the aforementioned young lady. In any event, a woman so proper that she would not risk soiling her hands by greeting the distraught survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire has no business shedding even a “little tear” for middle class girls who upset what we must now call The Kingdom Whose Name We Dare Not Speak At All.’

Read more: To the Government, Saudi Arabia is ‘The Kingdom Whose Name We Dare Not Speak At All’

‘Prime Minister Theresa May has been urged to talk to the UK’s Saudi allies about forthcoming executions as new figures show £3.3 billion worth of arms sales to the Gulf regime have been licensed in the past three years alone.

The human rights charity Reprieve has warned that 14 men, including one arrested as a minor, are set to be executed by the Saudi authorities for cybercrime offenses.

MPs, including former Labour leader Ed Miliband, have signed a letter to the PM asking her to try and intervene to stop the sentences being carried out.

Reprieve and the MPs have both warned that the men, who allegedly signed confessions under torture, could have been caught and held by Saudi personnel who had received training by UK security forces.

Tory MP Andrew Mitchell and the Liberal Democrats’ Tom Brake also signed the letter which asks May “to take urgent steps to confirm that UK assistance played no role in these individuals’ conviction under Saudi Arabia’s anti-cybercrime law.”’

Read more: May urged to intervene in Saudi executions as figures show arms sale bonanza

‘No. 10 has withdrawn Scottish National Party (SNP) leader Nicola Sturgeon’s right to demand meetings with UK Prime Minister Theresa May in a move meant to downgrade the first minister’s status.

The provocative decision is likely to see Sturgeon forced to deal with Scotland Minister David Mundell because, a source told the Mail Online, “he is at the same level as her.”

The paper reported that the move is meant to antagonize the SNP amid government concerns that giving Sturgeon equal treatment makes her look like an international leader.

Sturgeon and May have held a number of meetings to discuss Brexit negotiations, an issue of considerable importance to the SNP. Sturgeon may be refused requests for similar briefings in future.’

Read more: No. 10 shuts down access to PM May for Scottish leader Sturgeon

‘The number of homeless children living in temporary accommodation has soared by almost 40 per cent in the past three years, new figures reveal, compounding fears Britain is facing a “catastrophic” housing crisis.

Councils are housing 120,540 children with their families in temporary shelter, an increase of 32,650 extra children since 2014.

Labour’s shadow housing minister John Healey said ministers should “hang their heads in shame” over the “shocking” figures.

“In a country as decent and well off as ours every child should have a home to go to,” he said.

“This is the direct result of decisions made by Conservative Ministers over the last seven years – the lowest number of affordable homes for 24 years, no protection for private renters, and big cuts to charity and council budgets.”‘

Read more: Social housing crisis: Number of homeless children in temporary accommodation soars by 40%

‘A magistrate who drove a 12-year-old boy to a car park under his court for regular sex abuse sessions has been jailed for seven and a half years.

Rodney Fox, 49, who had special access to the area under Reading magistrates’ court would drive the boy there when he knew it would be deserted.

The primary school teaching assistant befriended the boy and took him to a computer club on Saturdays, grooming him until he plucked up the courage to attack him.

St Albans Crown Court heard that on five separate occasions he kissed the boy, before pulling down his tracksuit bottoms to perform an act of oral sex on him.’

Read more: Magistrate, 49, who drove 12-year-old boy to car park under his court for regular sex abuse sessions is jailed for more than seven years

‘Prime Minister Theresa May has shrugged off accusations that her government is ‘sitting’ on a report on alleged Saudi Arabian funding of UK extremists in order to protect diplomatic ties and lucrative trade deals with the Gulf kingdom.

Speaking in the House of Commons on Wednesday, the Tory leader dismissed claims the report had been shelved to cover up British arms sales to Saudi Arabia.

British weapons have allegedly killed civilians in the Saudi-led war in Yemen.

She also denied burying the findings of the report, completed in January, in order to spare the Saudi government embarrassment.

“It is absolutely nothing to do with that,” May told MPs.

“There is certain confidential information in the report which means it would not be appropriate to publish it.”

The denial came after Home Secretary Amber Rudd said the report, commissioned by former PM David Cameron in 2015, would not be published for “national security reasons.”’

Read more: Theresa May denies suppressing report on Saudi terrorism funding to protect UK arms deals

‘The Cabinet has agreed to pursue a ‘soft-landing’ transition from the EU that could see free movement continue in all but name until 2022.

A senior government source told the Daily Mail that Remainers had declared victory in their battle for a lengthy transition period, despite fears it will slow the process of taking back control of Britain’s borders.

The source claimed leading Brexiteers such as Liam Fox, Boris Johnson and Michael Gove have now signed up to the idea of a substantial ‘implementation phase’ after the UK leaves in 2019, in order to give business and government time to adjust to departure from the EU.

In return, Remainers such as Philip Hammond and Amber Rudd have finally accepted the idea that the UK will ultimately leave both the single market and the customs union.

The revelation about private Cabinet discussions comes days after Theresa May laid down the law about the need to maintain confidentiality following a string of damaging leaks.’

Read more: Five more years of EU migration: Cabinet Remainers’ victory after agreeing ‘soft-landing’ transition period that will delay UK getting its borders back 

‘The new Liberal Democrat leader has called on pro-EU Conservative MPs to show courage and fight a hard Brexit, saying: “This process can be stopped.”

Sir Vince Cable told The Independent he believed many Tories were “holding their fire” and could be persuaded to join a cross-party campaign to force Theresa May to change course.

“The question is how many will be sufficiently courageous and forthright to come out,” he said, just moments after being crowned leader.

“We will give leadership on this issue. We will reach out to them [MPs], left and right.

“But it’s up to them as to whether they are willing to stand up and fight. If they are willing to, then this process can be stopped and the damage can be massively reduced.”’

Read more: Vince Cable says hard Brexit ‘can be stopped’ upon becoming Lib Dem leader

‘Brussels is seeking to block the UK Government from carrying out criminal record checks on EU nationals who apply for settled status in Britain post Brexit.

EU negotiators want the European Court of Justice (ECJ) to oversee the implementation of any agreement on citizens’ rights, a move which has received criticism from the UK.

Britain’s current proposals would see anyone who has already lived in the UK for five years given a new “settled status”, securing their position in the country.

Anyone arriving after the triggering of Article 50, but before a notional cut-off date, yet to be set, would also have the chance to stay for five years and gain the status.

However, the proposals would restrict the right of EU citizens in the UK to bring over family members and would also result in a loss of protection of the ECJ.’

Read more: Brexit: Brussels aiming to block UK from carrying out criminal record checks on EU nationals

‘Margaret Thatcher, Britain’s former prime minister, wanted to threaten the deposed Iraqi President Saddam Hussein with chemical weapons before the Gulf War, documents show.

The newly-released papers show that Thatcher was keen to scare Saddam with the threat of weapons of mass destruction (WMD) after he invaded Kuwait in 1990.

The plan was eventually headed off by the US, in particular by then-Defense Secretary Dick Cheney, who later became a key architect of the 2003 Iraq War.

The ‘Iron Lady’ reportedly told then-US President George Bush Sr that faced with Saddam’s aggression it was “no time to go wobbly” as the Western powers postured for a war with Iraq.

Records show that in a meeting in October 1990, amid fears that Saddam could use chemical weapons himself, Thatcher told Cheney: “We had to decide what our response would be. If we wished to deter a CW [chemical weapons] attack by threatening to retaliate in like manner, we must have CW weapons [sic] available.”’

Read more: Britain wanted to threaten Saddam’s Iraq with chemical weapons