Well, well, well - 'Me Lord' is back in search of another rollover jackpot, but the lady won't roll over. Ooops. That wasn't in the script, eh?

‘Good day to you, nice to be back – £310,000 from the BBC and ITV for not naming me was not enough, but then I was the mentor of Margaret Thatcher – you know, “monetarism”. Geddit?’

House of Commons Speaker’s wife Sally Bercow facing £50,000 High Court battle over Lord McAlpine tweet after she gives his ridiculous demands the finger

‘What? She said NO? But you said …’

‘In a statement tonight, Lord McAlpine’s lawyer Andrew Reid said: “I am disappointed that the press has become aware of the proceedings between Lord McAlpine and Sally Bercow. However, I am still hopeful that we will be able to reach a sensible agreement to settle this matter with the second set of solicitors, instructed by Mrs Bercow, without the need to proceed to a trial.’

Oh, I bet you are, mate.

It might dawn even on you eventually that the British public is sick and tired of your antics.

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So when are you announcing which genuine children’s charities will be getting the £310,000 McAlpine? You seem to be taking your time.