Will and Kate, the Netjeru of Abydos, and all the abused children from North Wales 'care' homes who have died young

Just a coincidence – nothing to worry about.

The child-catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Just what you would expect to see in an Olympic opening ceremony, right?’

Now then, now then, how’s about that then guys and gals?’

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Queen visits Bank of England to see some back-pocket change

‘You have £30 billion in gold stored here, man in suit?’

‘Yes, Your Majesty.’

‘Philip, one has come all this way to visit a round of drinks.’

‘I know, wench, I could have been calling Jimmy’s successor.’