'Dear Bank of America,

My husband died on May 12, 2010. You know this because I dutifully informed you shortly after he died. And you so generously told me that since he was such a valued customer, and you sure were going to miss his business, that I, lucky widow that I am, could take over the outstanding balance on his credit cards and pay you those thousands of dollars you won't be able to squeeze out of his dead corpse. So kind of you.

But your kindness didn't end there. Oh no. Because despite those oh-so-enjoyable conversations and exchanging of documents, his death somehow didn't make it into the right databases. Apparently, I failed to personally inform each and every Bank of America employee of his demise, failed to personally deliver a certified copy of his death certificate to your each and every branch, failed to make it clear that he was, like, really dead and isn't coming back, so no, he will never be available to sign any of your forms.'

Read more: Hey, Bank of America, How Many Times Do I Have to Tell You My Husband is Dead?