first take on a new song

[verndewd]

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11808602

im gonna get my bro to collab and do this right the first time
lyrics
days roll by , like whispers of smoke
i feel that i have nothing to show
but a heart inside, a desire thats only for you
at times it feels were walking away
yet we give our love , what more can we say
but take it all take all
that ypou want of my heart
chorus
all of the shadows have gone
all the false reasons
for us moving on
into this hightmare
that once was my life
entered an angel
and her beautiful light

verse
stuck in time
on a merry go round
i feel this pulse
but it makes no sound
in silence a love
this solitude knows only us

chorus

bridge
take my hand
choose to feel this love
here i stand
i pray to god above
a passion we share
cleansed in the fires of love

[verndewd]

again dont rate performance till its worked out

[verndewd]

had to update the scratch vox that that tone sucked.

so its better but far from great

[verndewd]

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...ongID=11808970


man this woman is making the songs pour out

[verndewd]

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11808602

update

[peabrain]

Originally Posted by verndewd

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11808602

update

I like this, I like the acoustics on the guitar. You're really going for it and it has a good energy to the chorus.

Nice guitar solo. Nice use of the whammy bar

[verndewd]

Originally Posted by peabrain

I like this, I like the acoustics on the guitar. You're really going for it and it has a good energy to the chorus.

Nice guitar solo. Nice use of the whammy bar

thanks PB while i need to get my breathing back up to snuff i think the song done right is a charter maybe even top 20 material. A bit of a prophetic song about me and the lady or an intent to create said removal of shadows.

I love the solo too I think it really evokes the struggle.

[peabrain]

Originally Posted by verndewd

thanks PB while i need to get my breathing back up to snuff i think the song done right is a charter maybe even top 20 material. A bit of a prophetic song about me and the lady or an intent to create said removal of shadows.

I love the solo too I think it really evokes the struggle.

Yeah, it's a very 'catchy' melody and once you've refined the vocals, will sound tremendous.

I know what you mean about the breathing it does take quite a lot of warming up to go for the final take, shouldn't be a problem.

[verndewd]

Originally Posted by peabrain

Yeah, it's a very 'catchy' melody and once you've refined the vocals, will sound tremendous.

I know what you mean about the breathing it does take quite a lot of warming up to go for the final take, shouldn't be a problem.

yeah well im out of practice for 7 years or 8 so lol just a few weeks should put me there if i have the time.