Contribute to this story...

[madman]

Alright guys, Its time we had a little fun around here.
I am about to come up with the opening lines for a story that all of us Ickers can be a part of.

I will start the opening line and everyone here is free to contribute to it. Just remember to leave it open ended and leave a.... at the end so anyone can join in and keep it going.

Okay, here goes:


Once upon a time in a land far far away there.......

[cafetimes1991]

Nice. :)

was a king, who had a dilemma...

[jojo]

he was in love with a one legged lesbian

[eyepod]

next week was to be the annual arse kicking competition and he wanted to ensure his beloved would win

[jp13]

He tended to prefer her when she had her wooden leg off, as she was more attentive.

[jp13]

and would rarely kick him when she was like that!

[jojo]

but alas, she much prefered to chew carpet than play hide the salami. and used her wooden leg to hit the king over the head... so he....

[cafetimes1991]

Decided to invade the small country of Coolland.

[tattooverb]

an unusual place whose entire economy was based on menthol cigarettes

[sorath]

The land there was creepy and old, but the king decided to...

[cafetimes1991]

Smoke a lot more, and plant herbal cigarettes too...

[croatiancoffee]

Then he wakes up,

[cafetimes1991]

And invades the small country of Legoland...

[jojo]

but was beaten back by the star wars edition... so the king...

[jp13]

In his dream that night he hears from an archetypal male figure-the wise man who says, "The only reason you are invading Coolland and Lego land is down to your sexual frustration with the woman with the wooden leg", When are you going to wake up and realise that she doesn't like men, prefers women to men"/?

[jojo]

so the king had a sex change and called himself marjorie

[binkbonk]

At that! He banned all lesbians from his kingdom and so there was a mas exodus to Orange County California... Uh, and then he moved there too

[jp13]

seeking Truth, Justice and the pursuit of (h) appines

[cafetimes1991]

And replaced the oranges with lemons, as God told him to in a dream, but it was still called Orange County. Hooray!

[jp13]

He then got into playing scrabble and changed Orange to Organ County, with wooden legs being worth £50,ooo they became the currency that was used to replace the mighty doll liar

[jojo]

marjorie call it "organ" county to comemorate the loss of his penis. he stayed up all night crying trying to console himself with his vast wealth of wooden legs.

however, in the morning.....

[binkbonk]

It's tradition to take a break in the middle of the scrabble game to feast on melons and peaches, which is really a metaphor for...

[binkbonk]

Boobs, so in the morning he decided to get breast implants

[cafetimes1991]

But they blew up due to air pressure and, am, science on his way back to Coolland.

[jojo]

so at least he could still feel like a man and squeeze a pair of tits on a daily basis rather than feeling a right tit...

however, he still yearned for his chopped off penis

[binkbonk]

So he erected an idol to honor his chopped off penis

[mountain]

....and manufactured his own brand of erect penises as dildoes for sale in sex shops...

[lottie]

which were all closed down when the illuminati agenda collapsed and women took over the world..........

[sorath]

In a moment of mdma induced clarity, the king walked on a beach and realised he was one with everything in the universe. He killed a goat in a mock symbolic act and transcended into everything, leaving behind nothing...

[binkbonk]

...nothing except all the women in the world, and that's how the entire world turned lesbian. There were no more wars, but there sure were some long eras of silence and mean looks.

[comawhite015]

They all got on the same cycle. Jealousy was rife.

"ARE YOU LOOKING AT HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER OR HER"?

War lasted for many years.

[sorath]

After about 5 minutes of silence, the moaning began...

[enga]

and then a loud rumbling erupted from the skies as giant craft of varied descriptions with pretty coloured lights entered the atmosphere..

[sorath]

and then a loud rumbling erupted from the skies as giant craft of varied descriptions with pretty coloured lights entered the atmosphere..


Then everything condensed into the size of itself but remained...

[binkbonk]

but remained... and turned inside out! All at once, everything that had been on the outside was now on the inside and everything that was once on the inside was now on the outside.

[nth_degree]

out of the remnance of everything sprang an alien entity tht looked like zebedy from magic roundabout, Marjorie ran up to greet the four sprung alien.
The alien proclaimed tht he did not want to converse with marjorie or any other puppet leader....... but wanted to see marjories organ grinder! :D

[comawhite015]

Marjorie produced her organ grinder. Then she proceeded to reach down his throat, removed his liver, and ground it.

She served the delicious liver rissoles to her fellow lesbians and there was much rejoicing.

[binkbonk]

They only wished they had some fava beans and a bottle merlot to add the finishing touch to the meal.

[nth_degree]

and some tofu!

[comawhite015]

And verily, this did anger the Tofu Gods, for they had not been chosen first. The Tofu Gods are vengeful and selfish, and they did spake unto the lesbians "Forever more shalt thou consume naught but our fruits! No more shall you consume of the flesh. You shall live off the bland, insipid mush that you shalt glean from the fields, and the tofu that we provide!"

And thus was born the humourless, short-assed, hairy-faced, Vegan lesbian tribe.

[binkbonk]

And from them sprung a new leader, they called this new leader Rosie Odonnell.

[steevo]

And Rosie ODonnell said "Threads like this are just started so that the forum is rendered totally useless".

[binkbonk]

And he was paralyzex by this uselessness, because he needed to hear, again, for the 1000 time that the world was being ruined by a small group of jewish reptillians. But the creators cared not and kept writing...

[scatlond]

and writing and writing and writing, until

[comawhite015]

And lo! A voice came from the heavens

"Get a fucking sense of humour! If one is completely serious and paranoid all the time, then one may as well not be alive! Pull the stick out of your arse and learn how to laugh once and a while, for laughter is truth, this is the General section, and anything may be posted here!"

And the humourless bitch did depart, cowering, urinating uncontrollably as it went.

[steevo]

And the bitch walked away mumbling "well surely this should be in the HAVE A LAUGH section then ?"

[madman]

The urinating reminded the King how much he missed his penis so he assigned the greatest scientific minds to clone him a new body.

Once the body was complete he transferred his consciousness into it.

Now that he had a body with a penis agin the first thing he did was...

[binkbonk]

Banned Rosie Odonnell from his kingdom.

[scatlond]

Rosie was furious and vowed revenge

[nth_degree]

And lo another voice came from the bowels of marjorie who by now was long since dead, (clutching her organ grinder) and proclaimed this is exactly what dmt must be like mixed with acid and ayausca or watever the hell its called !

[comawhite015]

Rosie tore the bowels from Marjorie's long-dead corpse and thrust them into her mouth and swallowed them whole. She turned to the king and bellowed 'IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?' and bared her monstrous clitoris which dwarfed the king's member tenfold.

[scatlond]

And THWACK she killed the king,

[madman]

But suddenly the kings corpse started to glow and change, yes the king was regenerating...

[scatlond]

And became an 18 feet penis

[nirvana]

The king then tried to smoke salvia and went off into a strange world. He then realised this strange world was a parallel universe and he was sat at a desk looking into a screen which said DAVID ICKE.COM exposing the dream world we beleve to be real.

And then

[i_am]

and then ...


watched as the mean moderator moved the story to the appropriate land of joviality where it may continue the illusion

[scatlond]

And behold a new land arose from the ashes of.....

[madman]

The Kings body. Strangely enough even though it was burnt to smoldering ashes, the investigation team still managed to find his passport intact and in near mint condition! :D

[moondancer]

and rumour had it.. there was no monstrous clitoris :eek:

But as he had quite enjoyed being hit with one..he started his own investigation and found...

[pinkfreud]

..that a steroid pumped, monstrous clit could give women double the pleasure, double the orgasms and let their river of plenty flow through the dry, lifeless land of haggard, dull men with small penises

[binkbonk]

Double the pleasure and double the orgasms until even that was not enough. So they devised a scheme...

[crowd control]

This schme alas, was not without it's horrible price. the putrid stench of the rivers of jizz had begun to rot the vegatation of the land and all about...

[binkbonk]

So they built a boat, a jizz boat that would allow them to navigate the jizz filled lands. They also fashioned masks about there faces to relieve them of the horrible smell. They traveled far and soon entered an unspoiled land that they could repopulate. When all of a sudden...

[jojo]

a great jiz monster came from below the depths of the great sea of semen, he rose his mighty reptillian head above the creamy slaty liquid and began to chase the boat of hairy squat lesbians with clits the size of footballs.

[comawhite015]

"Hold fast!"

There appeared on the bow of the ship a figure of untold masculinity.

The beard was rich and full, the thighs rippled, muscular, and bowed. The jaw was set and square. The shoulders, wide! Yes! This was Barbara! Queen of the Bulldykes!

Never had she been defeated. She had been known to beat people mercilessly with elephants, could effortlessly slam revolving doors, and pissed standing up. Here was a fearsome warrior.

All upon the ship cheered as Barbara took her blade between her teeth and dove off the ship onto the Jizz Monster's neck.

[madman]

Upon entering the Jizz Monsters neck Barbara found herself transported to another dimension.

This was the dimension of....

[comawhite015]

.. Barbara was unsure.

She found herself on a soft ground studded with pointy things. A cold, bleak sun shone weakly in a black sky. It was cold, cold.

Many days she walked, and she found herself covered in marks when she stood on and walked over the pointy things.. yet the ground was soft, yielding, and multicoloured.

For Barbara was in the place where pens and left socks go.

For long has the tale been told. Upon entering a clothes dryer in a pair, always but a lone sock emerges. Pens go into a drawer and disappear entirely. For millenia have these mysteries plagued the human race. Here was the fate of the missing socks and pens. Over the aeons, gravity had forced the untold billions of the two into a form of planetoid, spinning around a dying star.

[binkbonk]

In the land where pens and left socks go, there was nothing more valuable than black ink. Although the ink ran freely like streams into lakes, the dust bunnies that inhabited the land of pens and left socks had complete cornered the market on black ink. They were evil!

[madman]

Barbara could see lots of stars in the sky but not all of these stars were as they appeared. A square glass like star stood out to her the most and Barbara started traveling towards it.

Upon getting closer to this particular star Barbara felt that it looked very familiar, it reminded her of a television screen or a computer monitor. The closer she got to it the more paranoid she got.

Barbara was starting to hear voices and could see faces staring at her.
She could see images of overweight men staring at her and intelligent hot muscular young men, like myself peering at her as well.

You see Barbara had entered the dimension know an The Fourth Wall and we the members of The David Icke Forum are in control of her destiny.

Barbara felt frightened as looked at the screen and asked:

"who are you, what are you going to do to me?....

[nimlyn]

Subsequently Barbara realised that she was hallucinating due to a big pile of smelly socks that she had the misfortune to land upon and then she knew that the David Icke’ns weren’t really real. Then as if by magic, an alien figure of average stature appeared before Barbara and spoke with a firm masculine voice “Greetings! I’m Da’L from Vega. Tell me! Are you related to Babar the Elephant?”

“Babar the Elephant” retorted Barbara with a sullen look on her face then she inquired “Why would you ask me such a question?”

“My humble apology, O’ visitor from foreign realms” replied Da’L. “I observed the brand upon your tunic which reveals the word Barbara and I assumed that you are from the Babar family.”

“Oh Goodness no” scoffed Barbara. “So who is this Babar that you refer too?”

“Babar is the very first extraterrestrial to make contact with my tribe some twenty four hundred Mores ago. Babar came to my home-Land through the dimensional gateway and he appeared as a recorded image upon a silver disk. My tribe has awaited the arrival of Babar in true form for many a more. Here! Let me show you the sacred disc.”

Da’L then prodded a grey box which contained a silver disc and then a bright light flickered inside a small picture frame. The light exploded into millions of sparkles which fused into one and then the light transformed into a panorama of strange and wonderful colours’ which created the images of another world with other life-forms...:rolleyes:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=TsMHjo33Ve0

[comawhite015]

Barbara promptly shat her leopardskin thong.

'What in the wide wide world of sports is going on here!' she exclaimed.

'First, there's rotten cum everywhere, THEN a monster MADE of the shit comes at tries to attack me and my bitches, then when I leap at it I disappear *into* it's neck, and then I appear in a place full of smelly and sharp things, and I'm FREEZING my ass off. Shortly after that, I fall over, then wake up with YOU in my face and then you show me this?!'

Barbara did flip the alien figure of average stature the bird, spun on her heel, and stomped off in the way only an indignant carpet-muncher could.

'Wait! Come back! There is much to see!' cried the visitor.

'Get fucked!' screamed Barbara. And she loped off far into the distance, leaving a trail of broken pens as she went.

[anahata]

And she loped like she’d never loped before until one day she stopped.

Barbara looked down shamefully for she did realise how awfully rude she had been to the visitor. For days she had gone with nought to eat but broken ash treys and a pair of nasty old cheese infested, ink sprayed trainers.

She did fall to her knees in disgrace, arms quavering above her head; she wept “my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” And much to her surprise a voice thundered through the valley of forgetfulness, knocking her over from under her knees. She slammed into a mound of crusty old socks and fell unconscious for the foreseeable future. :eek:

[nimlyn]

In the meantime!...Da’L nods his head from side to side then he expels a long sigh and declares “Foreigners’! They’re all the same; only want me for my poppy flavoured milk rods…:rolleyes:

[madman]

He then takes his milk rod in his hand and starts to rub it when suddenly he gets to excited and jizz's everywhere. His man milk has flooded the entire town and starts to drown...

[comawhite015]

He then realised that there was *no town* on the planetoid of pens and socks, and all the jizz then flooded back into his milk rod. He then decided to do something else, for he knew that history repeating itself was boring.

[madman]

But then his penis burped thus ensuring that all of his man milk flooded everything again.Well everything except for...

[binkbonk]

Well, everything except for, everything. Because at that moment he opened his eyes and realized it had all just been a dream. In reality he was still just floating around in the darkness of deep space inside his capsule, just like he had been doing for the last 100 thousand years...

[nimlyn]

Slap me with a Pleiadian pear Da’L thinks to himself! What are these strange thoughts passing through my mind? Could it be that I possess a guilty conscience and I’m punishing myself for the fraudulent slip of careless thoughts uttered aloud for others to hear regarding the Poppy flavoured milk rods when I actually meant to announce that they were Poopy flavoured milk rods…Raz Cmog! Those smelly socks really do rot the mind…Then some moments later! Da’L snaps out off the dream like state again and he recovers his senses and he nonchalantly gazes upon his image that’s mirrored inside a silver wall panel and he declares “Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” ;)

[madman]

And then he woke up, from a dream within a dream. He started to regain his thoughts and stood up and walked to the bathroom where he looked into the mirror. In the mirror he saw an image that he did not recognize at all.

It appears our protagonist who is now unnamed was suffering from a case of amnesia....

[lightblessins]

he found out from his hidden jedi like memory that he had forgotten to feed his magical rabbit, super white foot........

[madman]

Who was no ordinary rabbit, unbeknown to his owner Super White Foot just happened to be the reincarnation of Jesus Christ but sadly as he was neglected because of his owners amnesia SWF starved to death, thus preventing the second coming of Christ and the bullshit that generally associated with any such bullshit religious beliefs....

[nimlyn]

Religion! Thought Da’L…What on Vega am I thinking about now…These thoughts aren’t mine. My tribe does not know of religions. There can only be one other explanation for these other thoughts. I must be still in stasis and my mind has been infiltrated by the consciousness from another life-force. Could it be that the alien subjects from the planet Earth have evolved and have tapped into the mainframe? No! No! This can not be happening…

[haukipesukone]

Anyway, the world imploded and from the ashes a new land was born called...

[jayelowell]

Jayelowells heart...

[haukipesukone]

Which smelled like a fart...

[comawhite015]

And within the world of noxious gas, the Slylandro gas organisms roamed.
Their planet, which they called Source, had no solid surface. Their 'world' was the five hundred kilometer band of atmosphere in which they could survive.

Below this were the Depths... a dark and hostile region which grew increasingly darker and more hostile the farther one went. A typical feat of courage for Slylandro juveniles was to sink far enough into the Depths so that the juvenile's gas bag was almost ruptured by the pressure. The tissue scars left by the trip last many rotations and were thought to attract comely mates.

Above their world was Void. When they travelled up too far into Void they grew giddy and behaved inappropriately.

[jayelowell]

The void spanned infinitely and it seemed to be moving away from this gassy planet...

[madman]

Towards Uranus...

[binkbonk]

A few may say it better... But until that time never an internet heist had been recorded, could have probably been avoided... But he couldn't remember the original point, it had been so long since he hadn't been lied to, and anyway he couldn't be bothered so he had a drink and pretended.

[madman]

But then he decided to give up pretending, it suddenly dawned upon him that everything that had happened to him recently was his minds way of dealing with the fact that he was no longer the president of the so called free world, the USA and escaping into his imagination was his way of dealing with the fact that he never had any real power and was just a puppet.Some of his sanity started to return when he realized that he had just been replaced by a new puppet and he was now free to whatever he wanted.

That was when Georgie Boy decided to stop living in the land of imagination and start living in the real world.

So George opened the door and set off on a new adventure into....

[debs67gb]

wild mushroom land...

[mistress_medusa]

Where he met a transexual Grandma named Doris and..

[madman]

And her one legged pet Gimp named Obama.

[belfast atheist]

but emily loved him.

[coco]

And loved him boundlessly. They made love anywhere and everywhere, even in the kitchen! Even after he lost his spine in a tragic fishing accident she was still there for him. One day......

[madman]

Emily, George and Obama Gimp made a big announcement....

[nimlyn]

Hubble Bubble toil and twouble, 2012 is gonna be your wubble...Oh Crap! Who let Jonathan Ross in here? Enquired …

[ownoiz]

David Cameron, who just wanted some quiet time alone so he could have wank over a picture of Margaret Thatcher he was looking at...

[humito]

meanwhile in a galaxy far away a beautifull leafy green sea dragon saw a plastic bag float down on to the coral reef where she was

[madman]

Greeted by Emily, George and Obama Gimp who just arrived via Margaret Thatchers Vagina which was bigger on the inside than the outside and just happened to be a TARDIS in disguise.

Upon leaving Thatchers Vagina/TARDIS they noticed...

[coco]

a ring on the desk and wondered why it was there, who it could have belonged to, what they should do with it. It was a lovely ring, antique in appearance, with a beautiful garnet stone. They looked at it, turned it over, studied it to see if there was an inscription, tried it on various fingers. Emily examined the ring again to see what was about this ring she found so fascinating when.....

[madman]

Suddenly the ring started to glow and Obama Gimp jumped up and grabbed the ring and placed it upon his index finger.
The glowing intensified and covered Obama Gimps entire body and he fell to the floor.
A few minutes later he woke up with an evil laughter and said:

"I am The Master, You will obey me..."

[coco]

They were astonished by the sight! Instead of kneeling and kissing the ring as if he were a bishop they told him to sod off. That's when Obama gimp...

[madman]

Undoes his belt, takes off his pants and bends over and spreads his but cheeks and says

"If you won't kiss that ring, I demand you to kiss this one because all of America has been!"...

[coco]

Undoes his belt, takes off his belt and bends over and spreads his but cheeks and says

"If you won't kiss that ring, I demand you to kiss this one because all of America has been!"...

LOL! http://www.clipartof.com/images/emoticons/xsmall2/1231_hysterically_laughing.gif (http://www.clipartof.com)

I don't know what to say to that! I pass to the next contributor!

[comawhite015]

I demand that the next contributor actually has some sense! This whole thing.. is... BAH! HUGELY.. disappointing a lot!

Fix it!

[debs67gb]

kiss me im the new president defy me and you will feel the wrath of my ring

[coco]

With that they demanded he recite the oath without screwing it up!

[debs67gb]

lmao