Anyone Have a Recent Breakup With a Love?

[roxanna]

Hey all. Just want to know how its affected you and what youve done to get through it.

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

Sleep around with other people.

JUST KIDDING!!

Basically, you have to look at why it ended, then you have to realize that it's not your fault. And if it was because of you, then you need to look at why it's your fault. But never hate yourself for it.

People are bound to make mistakes in love. People are meant to make mistakes, it's what we do. And love, emotions, ect.., it's the mistake we never want to make. But we need to. Otherwise, we never learn.

And yeah, of course you can sit here and think "What does he know of my pain?". I know exactly what you mean. I don't know what it's like for you. But I know what I've been through. And I'm only giving you some insight and advise as to what you may want to do.

The best cure, is friends, comedy, and allot of hugging with those friends.

And if you don't have any friends(highly doubted), we'll be here for you. :)

[roxanna]

Hey
Thank you for your reply. Very good advice. Ill be renting some comic videos soon!! Cheers

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

Hey
Thank you for your reply. Very good advice. Ill be renting some comic videos soon!! Cheers

Anytime. *thumbs up*
Dr. L0rdsh1p does it again. ;)

[h1s_l0rdsh1p]

It's ok, man/wo-man.

What you have to remember, is to laugh.

Loosing someone you've become emotionally attached to sucks large bawls. But what you need to remember, is that there are still people about that do love you, and will be there for you as long as they possibly can.

My suggestion:

Go grab a pint with some friends, have a laugh, and sing your feelings out really loud in the street late at night.

And then go home, and when you wake up, laugh some more. :)

[notaslave]

And I would like to add ...

Spend some time on your own getting to know yourself. I reckon that is quite important. Not to go jumping into another relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

Learn to enjoy your own company because wherever you go there you will find yourself. ;)

[roxanna]

What happened Kandah? (if you need to speak more on it) And I agree with notaslave, being on your own and learning to love yourself very important life lesson.

[poodle]

I just came out of a 3 year relationship two weeks ago, kind of my first love and first real relationship (22 yo soon) and I am still in kind of a shock state, not too sure how to deal with it.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm 21, my bf of 3 years left me just before Christmas. It was a complete shock and completely out of the blue, he just turned around and said he had fallen out of love with me when I thought everything was fine - In my mind he was my lifelong soulmate, and things had been absolutely wonderful for three years! No fights, no arguments, nothing but special times and a very deep bond with plans for the future, so yeah, it was a REAL shock.
And not just to me, but to the people that know us aswell...

So I've been having to adjust to that, being single for the first real time (been in long term relationships since 13! Ridiculous I know!) and, well basically the 'rejection' from someone I am (was) in love with really does hurt, but I also understand that there are better times and experiences and partnerships out there for me...
I'm attracting them even now..

If you would like any advice from someone who is still going through it, it would be to face the pain and the hurt straight away, feel it all hard and deep and make yourself feel it all. The sooner you can do this, the sooner you can let it go and move on.
The worst mistake people make I think is trying to escape the pain, because it always comes back to haunt you later and is usually worse. Just be brave and 'feel' it.

And know it always gets better :)

[poodle]

And I would like to add ...

Spend some time on your own getting to know yourself. I reckon that is quite important. Not to go jumping into another relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.

Learn to enjoy your own company because wherever you go there you will find yourself. ;)

And after all of those long-term relationships, this is what I am now doing :)

[lilloz]

When I split up with my partner a few years ago I felt like the pain would never end, but it does and once you have been through that pain, when you do find love it feels so much deeper because you have experienced the pain of loosing it.
Just keep your chin up don’t be tempted to chase your x as I did because it just makes the pain last even longer, make a me night, if your a busy person, devote it to yourself, do your nails, eat your favorite food, listen to your favorite music and just do the things that you love to do.

The pain ends but it takes time, stay strong, sending love xx

[tinmenace]

Ooooh! Love hurts so bad doesn't it?

Stay busy. Volunteer at an orphanage/nursing home/etc. Take on an extra job, even if you don't need the money.

If your conscious mind is occupied and kept busy, it has no time to ponder your aching heart. Your sub-conscious mind will sort through the tangle, and in no time it won't sting as much.

Then you can get to know yourself again without feeling lonely or lost and begin to move forward.

All I can say is don't sit alone and think about it. Get something that will keep you very busy, physically and mentally.

It works! I promise.

Big Hugs!
:o

[poodle]

When I split up with my partner a few years ago I felt like the pain would never end, but it does and once you have been through that pain, when you do find love it feels so much deeper because you have experienced the pain of loosing it.
Just keep your chin up don’t be tempted to chase your x as I did because it just makes the pain last even longer, make a me night, if your a busy person, devote it to yourself, do your nails, eat your favorite food, listen to your favorite music and just do the things that you love to do.

The pain ends but it takes time, stay strong, sending love xx

Yes, I'm loving doing everything that I want to do, in my own time.

And I can read late into the night with no one telling me to turn the light off, and I always know how much chocolate I have left, and I get to pick whatever movies I want :)

And most importantly, I now feel free to chase my own dreams, which were being limited because of my preoccupation with my partner...

[roxanna]

what about the anger? only talk of doing what you want etc etc, but the pain? the anger? who talks of that? im soo pissed off myself. accused of stupid shit and so its broke off. lol think ill get on that exercise bike and do a fuckin marathon so pissed off.

[roxanna]

Sorry for the rant but anger is an issue with a break up. The above posts all nice and positive etc great not knocking it good advice still what to do with ones anger and pain is a hard one, you can get on the bike or run kilometers but if still there? then what? I suppose time. shit happens and have to resign ones self ultimately. Cant force to be with someone. Im angry though as at least for now seems so unfair if could be with the person physically there would be able to see what i do and all well, alas not so and time to just leave it. lol im a wreak. prob. should expose my human side on here but as you all are alive and all are into this stuff the nwo as iam suppose good as place as any to get it out. besides LOL who will ever actually meet me. so good place, cheers

[roxanna]

I also resign myself to be the official fool of this forum for the above posting. Still though had to get it out.

[poodle]

what about the anger? only talk of doing what you want etc etc, but the pain? the anger? who talks of that? im soo pissed off myself. accused of stupid shit and so its broke off. lol think ill get on that exercise bike and do a fuckin marathon so pissed off.

Dont worry, I had raging anger, nauseating self-doubt, the most excruciating pain, sadness, frustration & confusion and the feeling of being completely helpless and alone for a good 4-6 weeks. I was a complete mess, theres no doubt about that. But when I said earlier that it is good to face it straight away and feel it all, thats what I did for those terrible weeks. It was the worst time of my life, no doubt about that, but I feel better now having dealt with it all head-on.

I think after a while of dealing with it you get to a point where you just emotionally cant possibly feel any more pain. I mean, of course you still feel it, but not the excruciating kind! There's nothing left, you've given it your all until you just feel numb. If you can find that numbness it will help you get through the end..

But I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy, not at all.

And yeah, turning the anger into something productive is great though! Cycle a marathon on the exercise bike hehehehe, get fit.. The best part is running into your ex a little while down the track and having them tell you how great you look ;)

[roxanna]

yeah guess you are right and thanks on getting down to the hard part of it. in my case will let the world spin and get as much exercise as i can just work it out literally. thank you, not feeling better just yet but will.

[poodle]

yeah guess you are right and thanks on getting down to the hard part of it. in my case will let the world spin and get as much exercise as i can just work it out literally. thank you, not feeling better just yet but will.

No probs, of course you will feel better, and you'll look fantastic for all the exercise too ;)

[lilloz]

Yes, I'm loving doing everything that I want to do, in my own time.

And I can read late into the night with no one telling me to turn the light off, and I always know how much chocolate I have left, and I get to pick whatever movies I want :)

And most importantly, I now feel free to chase my own dreams, which were being limited because of my preoccupation with my partner...

I know exactly what you mean, at first I could think about was what I wasn’tdoing with my x, I used to get told he was in town clubbing it up, and im sat at hope feeling like my heart is going to literally break with the pain, the heartless bastard I would think, then I began to think about the things I could do like you reading into the night was good, the extra mess wasn’t missed and I loved being able to watch my favorite shows and documentary’s without being told I was a geek or it was boring!!

No matter what anyone says though Roxanna, as you know the pain is there its real and it fucking hurts! The pain is bad but as time goes on and it will be a while, it eventually subsides, you do start feeling well and together you feel strong and in control stick with it stay strong and keep your chin up!

[unicorn]

An awesome book to help us with our emotions is The Journey by Brandon Bays, how to heal ourselves without supressing the emotions by taking the time to really feel them. Sit down, no interuptions, ask your body to bring you your primary emotion, & allow yourself to really feel it. Sure it's not that inviting as the emotions involve pain, but they only last a few minutes, after each emotion, you see if there's another under it. This way you are allowing yourself to feel, you are gaining understanding into why you feel this way, & you are releasing these emotions from your body.

E-motion = energy in motion. All emotions are temporary & fluid (that's why you can feel angry, then sad, then ok, then hate etc... all from one incident). It's when we can't express or release them that they stop the motion & become heavier, & can remain in our bodies as emotional cellular memory so best bet is to clear them by letting them be felt. Brandon Bay's story moved me to tears, so she a gem of an inspiration, she went through such grief & shares how she survived it (& healed herself physically).

I have done the journey a few times & it has such a powerful calming & peaceful effect after just 30mins of letting it all come up. You'll love the book, happy reading & self nurturing during this healing time.

[freethinker]

make time to go out of your way and meet new friends out of your current comfort zone - look for people that have open and honest communication

don't be bitter about what has gone wrong - treat it as a gift to allow you to grow and become a better person

hope this helps right now x

[notaslave]

Sorry for the rant but anger is an issue with a break up. The above posts all nice and positive etc great not knocking it good advice still what to do with ones anger and pain is a hard one, you can get on the bike or run kilometers but if still there? then what? I suppose time. shit happens and have to resign ones self ultimately. Cant force to be with someone. Im angry though as at least for now seems so unfair if could be with the person physically there would be able to see what i do and all well, alas not so and time to just leave it. lol im a wreak. prob. should expose my human side on here but as you all are alive and all are into this stuff the nwo as iam suppose good as place as any to get it out. besides LOL who will ever actually meet me. so good place, cheers

Emotions are necessary. Don't push your anger away.

Buy a huge notepad ... write it all down and when you are through read it all and burn the evidence LOL

Depending on how angry you are you may need to repeat the exercise. LOL but do it.

Better out than in, is my motto!

[poodle]

An awesome book to help us with our emotions is The Journey by Brandon Bays, how to heal ourselves without supressing the emotions by taking the time to really feel them. Sit down, no interuptions, ask your body to bring you your primary emotion, & allow yourself to really feel it. Sure it's not that inviting as the emotions involve pain, but they only last a few minutes, after each emotion, you see if there's another under it. This way you are allowing yourself to feel, you are gaining understanding into why you feel this way, & you are releasing these emotions from your body.

E-motion = energy in motion. All emotions are temporary & fluid (that's why you can feel angry, then sad, then ok, then hate etc... all from one incident). It's when we can't express or release them that they stop the motion & become heavier, & can remain in our bodies as emotional cellular memory so best bet is to clear them by letting them be felt. Brandon Bay's story moved me to tears, so she a gem of an inspiration, she went through such grief & shares how she survived it (& healed herself physically).

I have done the journey a few times & it has such a powerful calming & peaceful effect after just 30mins of letting it all come up. You'll love the book, happy reading & self nurturing during this healing time.


Great advice, I'm looking forward to reading the book.

[jagalman]

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

:D :D :D :D :D :D

[oneofmany]

Unfortunately, my partner and I have just split, monday actually and Im pretty distraught to be honest. I had just found out that my ex had been lying to me from day one about all sorts of things, but mainly about the debt she brought into the relationship and didn't ever tell me about.

35,000 dollars she managed to rack up behind my back, and here I am, wondering why we can't afford the most basic things, not to mention her out and out addiction to cannibis. She would spend her last cent on drugs while Im sitting at home looking after our son in total ignorance and totally under the thumb. Every week I would say to her, why don't we do something instead of buying drugs but she couldn't go a few days without it before the horns started growing in the top of her head.

The final straw for me was when she started to take her mood out on my little son. I could handle the total disrespect she showed me every other day, because I had my little boy to worry about, but when she hit me for taking away her bong, that was enough for mine. Me, I can take or leave drugs, they don't get me in the grip of their addiction, but my ex made them her life. I had tried to get the smoke out of the house before, but after two days, I always gave in to her just to keep the peace, but the hardest thing for me to cop, and what forced me to leave was the not respecting my opinion and the lying.

eg People on here who know much about me know that I had saved all my spare cash to buy my dream car, a classic BMW. and that the wheel fell off and I got screwed by the insurance company, but what you might not know, is that I warned my ex about the wheel and not to drive the car, and she did so anyway. As we are low incomers, this was devastating to me and I am still not quite over it. Now Im back at my parents house, and my future looks pretty grim from where i sit, I loved this woman with all my heart, and now I feel utterly betrayed.

what am i going to do?

[tinmenace]

I'm sorry, that's just awful.

I think you have to find out who you are without her. It sounds to me like you've been so busy putting up with her BS, struggling just to make ends meet, AND taking care of a child that you haven't given yourself any time just for you.

Your priority is not you or your love life, I'm sorry to say. Your responsibility is to your son. He and his needs are going to have to come first. When you had him, your needs should have become secondary. That's just my opinion.

[oneofmany]

I'm sorry, that's just awful.

I think you have to find out who you are without her. It sounds to me like you've been so busy putting up with her BS, struggling just to make ends meet, AND taking care of a child that you haven't given yourself any time just for you.

Your priority is not you or your love life, I'm sorry to say. Your responsibility is to your son. He and his needs are going to have to come first. When you had him, your needs should have become secondary. That's just my opinion.


I realise this and this has always been the case for me. My child will always come first in my life and he's the reason that i had to leave in the end. I want the best for my child and us being together just wasn't working so for the sake of my child, I left. As for finding who I am, That's been half the problem, I have known for some time now exactly who I am, but the problem is, she doesn't know who she is, and at the end of the day, she tried to change someone who knew who he was and it just wasn't on.

I was raped at 8 years old and i never told anybody about it until i was 24, Im now 30 but at 24 I had a breakdown after my partner at the time took away everything i had worked my whole career for, and at that time I had a hard descision, to curl up and die (which I nearly did) or confront my true self and accept it, which is what i chose after losing 35 kilo's from sheer stress and worry (which I still suffer from) put on top of that a cancerous growth I had on my testicle at the same time and you can see the strength I needed to get where i am today. So yes, I know myself well. She knew all this about me as well, but still wanted to put me through all this, so what they say is true in my book, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

At the end of the day, My son is the number one priority in my life because at 24 I was told I may never have children, so in my eyes, he's a miracle, and I love him for it and I remember that fact every day

[tinmenace]

This isn't easy, I'm sorry. Big Hug!

Do you take Vitamin B-Complex? If not, go out and get a good quality B-Complex. Take two a day for a week and then go down to one a day. This will alleviate your stress tremendously!

You know what? Everything for a reason. This woman doesn't deserve you. She chose drugs over you. She also needs to find out who she is without you and clearly the relationship was toxic. In your future, you will come across someone who is going to adore you, and when you give your heart to her, she will protect it and help it heal instead of wounding it with her claws when she closes her fist around it.

Changes are coming, and now is the time to attract the right people to you. People with clarity and love. People that don't put themselves before others every time. This hurts a lot right now. I know! But remember that all of it is meant to be. We cannot always understand why things happen the way that they do until later when we look back and connect the dots (a concept you seem to grasp well). So, take the B-Complex to help you deal with the hurt and betrayal, be positive for your son, he really needs you. He's just little. In no time at all, all the negative baggage will melt away and you'll feel much better.

This is a speech by Steve Jobs. I always read it when I feel like things are beyond my ability to cope.



This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005, at Stanford.

"I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much."

[purple is a fruit]

Unfortunately, my partner and I have just split, monday actually and Im pretty distraught to be honest. I had just found out that my ex had been lying to me from day one about all sorts of things, but mainly about the debt she brought into the relationship and didn't ever tell me about.

35,000 dollars she managed to rack up behind my back, and here I am, wondering why we can't afford the most basic things, not to mention her out and out addiction to cannibis. She would spend her last cent on drugs while Im sitting at home looking after our son in total ignorance and totally under the thumb. Every week I would say to her, why don't we do something instead of buying drugs but she couldn't go a few days without it before the horns started growing in the top of her head.

The final straw for me was when she started to take her mood out on my little son. I could handle the total disrespect she showed me every other day, because I had my little boy to worry about, but when she hit me for taking away her bong, that was enough for mine. Me, I can take or leave drugs, they don't get me in the grip of their addiction, but my ex made them her life. I had tried to get the smoke out of the house before, but after two days, I always gave in to her just to keep the peace, but the hardest thing for me to cop, and what forced me to leave was the not respecting my opinion and the lying.

eg People on here who know much about me know that I had saved all my spare cash to buy my dream car, a classic BMW. and that the wheel fell off and I got screwed by the insurance company, but what you might not know, is that I warned my ex about the wheel and not to drive the car, and she did so anyway. As we are low incomers, this was devastating to me and I am still not quite over it. Now Im back at my parents house, and my future looks pretty grim from where i sit, I loved this woman with all my heart, and now I feel utterly betrayed.

what am i going to do?

Does any of this info ring a bell with you. It sure does with me. They suck you dry.
http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Articles/Psychopath.htm

[cincygirl]

I can relate to the feelings you experience when a relationship ends by your choice or not. Even if the ending relationship is by your own choice, there are always some sort of grieving like period when this person has been in your life for a long time. I personally have terrible luck in love! Well, maybe that is because I wasn't really in touch with who I was. It's always painful in the beginning but every single day gets less painful. I personally chose not to date for the past two years, after my divorce. I wanted to take some time to not focus on relationships and to focus more on myself and what I was really looking for in life. I have met a person that I would consider a very close friend who has helped me on a spiritual level and I know this person will be part of my life forever even if just a friend. Now that I have opened my eyes to the "truth" I feel so much happier and excited about all the possibilities there are! Also my view of what I was looking for in a relationship has completely changed so any loses of relationships in the past have no emotional effect on my anymore.....

Have no worries, you won't feel this way forever....feel your emotions now and then let each one go....look into yourself, reach out to friends, read books, love yourself and don't waste energy on the anger....we are all infinite possibility...