Quotes of Mark Twain 

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.