'Don’t panic. That’s the official advice from the Government over the impending fuel strike. Or rather, do panic, but only a little bit. There’s nothing to be alarmed about, honestly. But take precautions; just in case. Though there’s really no need. But better to be safe than sorry.

Personally, I’m not worried in the slightest. For one thing I long ago passed the point where I could afford to fill up my car. Like most of the population, I’ve become an expert at coaxing every last mile out of my Mini Cooper. Journeys to the school or shops now evoke the tension and excitement of a Second World War bombing raid. Like a Lancaster crew, myself and my family frequently find ourselves running on fumes; will we make it, or will we end up in the drink?'

Read more: 'Only Panic a Little Bit', Shrieks the Government Calmly Over Fuel Strike Fears